夜深人静，来个笑话吧

zycoc1999

一个女人在街上，看到一个奇怪的送葬队伍：前面两辆灵车，各装着一个棺材，一个穿着孝服的女人牵着一条凶恶的大狗走在棺材旁边，再往后，跟着200多个女人，排成一条长长的队伍，但是都没穿孝服，看上去也并不悲伤。   


这个女人感觉很奇怪，好奇心驱使她走过去，问那个穿孝服牵着大狗的女人：   “第一个棺材里是谁啊？”  

“我丈夫”

“他是怎么死的？”  

“你看到我的这条狗了吗？他就是被这条狗咬死的”

“那后边的棺材里边是谁呢？”  

“是我婆婆”   

“她是怎么死的呢？”

“当我的狗咬我丈夫的时候，我婆婆上去帮他打狗，于是她也被咬死了”


这个女人沉默了一会儿，问：“你能把你的狗借给我用几天吗？”




穿孝服的女人向后边指了指说：“去后边排队吧！”
www.csuchen.de/

zycoc1999

这个挺逗

《从两只奶牛来看各种社会制度和各国公司的经营方式》



（这个我把原文也附上吧，有两段我没看懂，翻译不出来。关于安然公司的那个，高手帮助翻译一下吧，那些金融术语，我搞不懂；还有关于中国的那个我也没看懂）


SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbor.



社会主义：
你有两只奶牛，
你把一只送给你的邻居




COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.




共产主义：
你有两只奶牛
政府把两只都牵走，然后给你一些牛奶




FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.




法西斯主义：
你有两只奶牛
政府把两只都牵走，然后卖给你一些牛奶




NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.



纳粹主义：
你有两只奶牛
政府把两只都牵走，然后开枪把你杀死。




BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away...。

官僚主义：
你有两只奶牛
政府把两只都牵走，把一只杀死，另一只用来挤奶，再把牛奶扔掉






TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.




传统资本主义：
你有两只奶牛
你卖掉一只奶牛，买来一只公牛
牛群开始繁殖，经济发展起来
你卖掉牛群，靠收入退休生活。







SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.




超现实主义：
你有两只长颈鹿
政府让你去上口琴课




AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.。




一个美国公司：
你有两只奶牛
你卖掉一只，然后你强迫另外一只生产出四只奶牛的牛奶
然后你找了一个顾问来分析奶牛为什么死了



ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM安然公司式的投机资本主义
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull.
（这个我没看懂）





A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.




一个法国公司：
你有两只奶牛
你罢工，策划骚乱，因为你想得到三只奶牛








A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.



一个日本公司：
你有两只奶牛
你重新设计它们 ，是他们的大小变成普通奶牛的十分之一，并且产奶量是原来的二十倍。
然后你创造一个奶牛的卡通形象，名字叫“cowkimon”,然后在全世界销售。







A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.



一个德国公司：
你有两只奶牛
你给他们装上新的发动机，让他们能活100年，每个月只吃一次草，而且会自己挤奶。



AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.。
You decide to have lunch.



一个意大利公司：
你有两只奶牛，但是你不知道他们在哪儿
你决定去吃午饭。






A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.。
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.



一个俄国公司：
你有两只奶牛
你数了数，发现自己有五只奶牛
你又数了一次，发现自己有42只奶牛
你又数了一次，发现自己有两只奶牛
你就不数了，打开了一瓶伏特加。







A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.




一个瑞士公司：
你有五千只奶牛，但是他们都不属于你。
你向奶牛的主人收储存管理费，






A CHINESE CORPORATION一个中国公司
You have two cows.你有两只奶牛
You have 300 people milking them.你有三百个工人来给它们挤奶
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
（这个我也没看懂）






AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.




一个印度公司：
你有两只奶牛
你把它们当神来崇拜







A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
One is mad the other has foot and mouth. www.csuchen.de/




一个英国公司：
你有两只奶牛
一只得了疯牛病另一只得了口蹄疫












AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of Democracy.... www.csuchen.de/



一个伊拉克公司：
大家都相信你有很多奶牛
你告诉大家你没有奶牛
没人相信你，于是他们轰炸你，侵占你的国家
你还是没有奶牛，但是至少你是民主国家了.





AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate. www.csuchen.de/




一个澳大利亚公司：
你有两只奶牛
生意看起来不错
你关掉办公室，去喝酒庆祝







A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive. www.csuchen.de/

一个新西兰公司：
你有两只奶牛
左边的那只看起来很吸引人。

Imphed

挺有趣!
安然那个似乎是说吹泡泡的过程；中国的那个……似乎说我们用劳动密集来假装就业率，顺便把记者河蟹了

瞎子

同上