[中国新闻] 经历北京生活，能在人生中留下这一章实属幸运

日月光

现在是学校放假、人们长时间离家休假的时候，对许多旅居海外的家庭来说，这也是段举家兴奋、行囊频备的日子。但对这些家庭中那些不知明年将身处何方的人来说，目前也是段踌躇彷徨的时光。他们向即将离去的朋友们说再见，心里却不清楚何时以及是否能再见到他们。我所认识的这类人大多能以现实的态度勇敢面对这一处境。csuchen.de- K1 g9 J: d% m5 O9 x$ y: S3 k

2 Y) S3 W  R! f: \' F人在德国 社区我的朋友伊岚(Ilene)及其家人2005年8月与我们同时来到北京。像我们一样，他们以前既没有旅居海外的经历，也没有这方面的心理准备。但就像我们那样，他们迅速适应了北京的生活，学会了从日常生活的挫折中发现乐趣。伊岚的丈夫只与顾主签了一年的工作合同，鉴于雇佣一位全职外派人员的高昂费用，这种情况在北京的外企中并不少见；没有哪家企业愿意安排一位可有可无的外派人员。
) c2 P5 F8 B8 N  X( {1 y人在德国 社区
+ }: d  _4 O& f- N8 c1年前的这个时候伊岚一家尚不准备打道回府，6月份时她丈夫获准续约1年，一家人无不兴高采烈。然而今年她丈夫迄今仍未接到再续约1年的通知。0 h# \4 \. y! y, t2 C$ H8 M

3 e  e( e4 H" G3 h6 O  B; E伊岚说，她们一家愿意继续留在北京，并正在为此而努力。不过一家人也做好了迎接挫折的心理准备。如果未能如愿继续留下，他们也会宽慰自己说，这是一段奇妙的经历，即使现在结束也没有什么可遗憾了，能在人生中留下这一章实属幸运。
7 U! o, G2 f# `& O, z4 n9 x2 i! `$ R) ~: V
我对此深有同感，这段海外生活经历的一大收获就是在这里认识了一批人。我以前从没想过到北京来能结识这么多人。由于北京的外国人圈子交际频繁，所以我们不停地要与即将离开中国的人道别，这种滋味真不好受。我们最近就举办或参加了送别友人赴新加坡、悉尼和克利夫兰的几个告别聚会。人在德国 社区$ i! d- v# Z9 T" {
0 ~* E. i. m) T4 A; V% L6 A
还记得10年前我和妻子白佩琪(Rebecca)移居密歇根州Ann Arbor，白佩琪的一位老朋友和他的妻子也在那里攻读博士学位。他与我们一见面便问我们打算在那里坚持多久。我无法给出确定的答案，而他接下来的话也令我满腹狐疑。+ l% m& ~3 E2 B1 b) u( ^- \
5 m/ s$ l  ^1 q( w
“我们不再和那些只来这里读硕士学位的人交往了，”他说，“这些人溜得太快，你需要读个博士学位。”csuchen.de7 G& Q) ?! ?* V7 u/ X! L! F! L

0 g0 j8 }4 k% _$ R! X% @9 `+ m6 j他只是开玩笑，我们是两年后离开Ann Arbor的，现在与这对夫妇仍是好朋友，但我现在明白他当初说那番话的心情了。不断地交新朋友，和他们变成好朋友，然后再与其说再见，这滋味真不好受。现在我与那些长期旅居海外的人接触时便不时能感受到他们这种心情。相比之下我们还算不上“久经考验”，我希望今夏新来北京的人们能觉得我是个开朗而好客的人。但要让孩子们学会看长远些却是件难事。人在德国 社区- p+ X( ~- x; F6 C# y

. f' N( V4 ~0 jcsuchen.de我去年曾在专栏文章中写到我们最大的孩子雅各布(Jacob)失去了两位最要好的朋友。这三个孩子现在依然很亲密，我们在圣诞节放假期间到旧金山看望了贾维尔，他和雅各布两人亲密的样子就像未曾分开过似的。今年8月我们还将去华盛顿看望安德鲁。
) M+ F) b/ i5 l9 W
4 p5 q- V5 @7 I1 t) A今年要轮到雅各布的弟弟以利(Eli)感受失友之痛了，因为他的好朋友雨果(Hugo)一家正准备前往新加坡。当初我们离开美国的家人和朋友时以利就比别人都痛苦，因此当我听说雨果一家即将离开北京时真担心以利会受不了。
" K! S. Z) Y. r: K+ P0 m5 b
# ]8 j: B3 o. k3 R' n人在德国 社区我回想起了最初遇到雨果一家时的情景，那时我们正在泰国度假，那里的景色真是美极了。在沙滩上玩耍时雨果问以利和雅各布，他们能否永远作朋友。
! f4 q: b: J. a7 \  i  r
5 M4 o3 q# P+ N5 I  Jcsuchen.de以我家发言人自居的雅各布回答说：“抱歉，不能。”他说，“我们实际上住在新泽西，我们在中国只待3年。”
- O2 I8 m9 P4 n$ k' z- C
& Y, J" @3 L5 w) w- R' C( _“哦，”雨果说道，“那我们能作3年朋友吗？”
* i$ _7 l) c1 a  ucsuchen.de, A4 [- w, z. d/ b/ u" p
“当然。”
$ T( r9 s% I; v" t: e1 f6 z3 q3 z$ C5 ]
雨果笑了；对一个5岁的孩子来说3年差不多就是一辈子了。18个月后的今天，雨果又要成为我们另一个远在他乡的朋友。以利听到雨果将要离开北京的消息很吃惊，这使他更加认为旅居海外的生活就是一个无休无止的心碎历程。我努力让他相信这种经历能丰富他的人生，但以利根本听不进去。人在德国 社区6 Y& y7 y- S: v- Z. I; W0 G" a( J

- }2 n  U; }- a7 M3 d' k, _“我们在美国的家人和朋友还在那儿，我们仍然爱着他们，他们也仍然爱着我们，”我对他说，“现在你在自己的人生里也有了这些了不起的新朋友，当我们回美国后，你会在澳大利亚、香港、中国和英格兰都有朋友。”人在德国 社区0 \" I- I& q9 q$ ~3 p3 U1 |
csuchen.de: ?0 y6 E4 E' A8 G/ a
我这是用孩子的话来解释“曾经拥有强过从未拥有”，但以利像所有有过心碎之感的人一样听不进去。人在德国 社区8 Q8 E* ^; m3 k5 F

/ W, ^' o9 J) [8 D7 ^csuchen.de就在我思绪连篇之时，伊岚正在北京各处做着“离境大采购”，她和丈夫还计划着离开亚洲前到日本一游。伊岚给她的孩子们在北京和美国两地的学校为下学期注了册，虽然美国的郊区生活拥有清洁的空气和近在咫尺的家人等优点，但伊岚却对要重新适应美国的生活感到头疼。她说：“我很喜欢这种四处旅行的新生活，要重新适应在美国的专职妈妈生活，还真要花些力气呢。”
6 y1 g6 s- Z7 F- P; ?
' |+ w9 G; r) m- acsuchen.de伊岚倒不怎么担心她的孩子。他的儿子对在北京生活还是回美国都无所谓，而她的女儿则力促家人去芬兰，因为她在北京的最好朋友下周就要回芬兰了，在8岁的她看来芬兰似乎是个很不错的地方。可惜她爸爸的顾主在芬兰没有多少业务。不过可以去看看诺基亚(Nokia)是否在招人。) C: L, J) K: N# d9 o3 t% i. y
人在德国 社区- r3 }) e- ^) _( G0 P$ x! o6 k
本文作者Alan Paul是《吉他世界》(Guitar World)的高级编辑，同时也为美国篮球杂志《灌篮》(Slam)撰写文章。因妻子工作需要，他举家从美国新泽西迁住中国，现居北京。

日月光

This is a time of great excitement and movement for many expat families, as the school year ends and people begin departing for extended home leaves. However, a cloud of uncertainty hangs over one group of folks -- those who still don't know where they will be stationed next year. They say goodbye to departing friends without a clear idea of when or if they will see them again. Most of the people I know in this situation approach it with an admirable shrug and sense of adventure.csuchen.de2 C$ o! C6 |" N/ |; ~' [1 k
人在德国 社区3 v) t7 G, Y. @: Q) ^
My friend Ilene and her family arrived in Beijing at the same time as us, in August 2005. Like us, they had no previous expat experience and little in the way of expectations. And, like us, they took to life here quickly, learning to be amused by the daily frustrations that leave some folks enraged. Ilene's husband is working on one-year contracts, which aren't uncommon here because of the expense of employing a full-package expat; no company wants someone here who isn't deemed totally necessary.
. M! y" b, M5 C4 a
3 L" h+ n7 U% n' G8 tA year ago they weren't ready to head home and were enthusiastic in June, when his contract was extended for a second year. But there's no word about a third year so far.5 A+ u9 X) Y! U, e9 x  L, p

$ ^( {" t% ^2 H'We'd love to stay and we're trying to work it out,' Ilene says. 'You have to take a step back and say, 'This is a fantastic experience and if it ends right now, it's been great and I feel blessed to have had this chapter in our lives.' '
( H6 A! W2 T7 f9 Rcsuchen.de' e: D1 E1 q/ E, Y
I feel much the same way, and a big part of that experience is the people I've met here. I had no idea that this would prove to be such a social time in our lives. Because the expat community is pretty tight-knit, the continual goodbyes are hard. We have recently hosted or attended farewell parties for people bound for Singapore, Sydney and Cleveland.
: L9 F: S; U. e0 k$ m) A7 Fcsuchen.de+ ~# j0 h1 \% m  n
A decade ago, we moved to Ann Arbor, Michigan, where an old friend of Rebecca's lived with his wife, pursuing a Ph.D. The first time we met, he asked how long we planned on sticking around. I wasn't sure and he wasn't reassuring.
3 k6 ~1 g7 Z* C9 Z* B/ T: R
6 t8 z7 V# P- d7 E'We don't hang out with people coming here to get Masters degrees any more,' he said. 'They're gone too soon. You need to be going for a Ph.D.', _0 g6 k/ q# N; G4 M9 e9 M; N
  N% {5 [! W; H: C% `( }7 ~
He was just joking -- we left Ann Arbor after two years, but remain dear friends with him and his wife -- but now I understand what he was getting at. It's difficult to continually make new friends, get close, then say farewell, and now I can sometimes sense this wariness when I meet longtime expats. We're relative rookies, and I hope the folks who'll arrive over the summer will find me open and inviting. It can be hard to get the kids to take a long view, however.
$ v( a( {' l9 [- I' A+ ?1 T
; _. n$ W' h9 A% o9 [6 _+ ULast year, I wrote about our eldest child Jacob losing two of his best buddies. The three boys remain close. We visited Javier Wong in San Francisco over Christmas break and he and Jacob reconnected like they'd seen each other the day before. In August, we'll visit Andrew Moy in Washington, D.C..5 m% C1 S$ q( B, u9 L1 ~; n
6 A& j6 ^2 ]6 n8 C  y
This year it's Jacob's little brother Eli facing a big loss, as his dear friend Hugo's family pack their bags for Singapore. Eli has suffered more than any of us from leaving friends and family behind in the U.S. and I feared the worst when I learned about Hugo's impending move.
2 Q, r. e# A. X2 ~+ G/ I2 j" p' Y" i
I thought back to when we first met Hugo's family, on vacation in Thailand, a place I really never thought I'd see. Playing on the beach, Hugo asked my boys if they could be friends forever.9 X# q5 y: h# \3 r& ~& M3 A% P9 n

  L) l! @! z* N- R8 K1 a# B; q人在德国 社区'Sorry, no.' Jacob replied, acting as the spokesman. 'We actually live in New Jersey and we're just in China for three years.'
: O5 ?! W2 V/ S. f8 d; @5 H人在德国 社区) i7 F1 p* W3 @: M8 R
'Oh,' Hugo replied. 'Can we be friends for three years then?'
% u% [8 F2 N  M% L人在德国 社区csuchen.de# k' O* `6 m- P
'Sure.'! F2 C8 X( r1 J6 \
" g. s8 E& k# m* r7 D5 Q4 R. n
Hugo smiled; three years is forever to a five-year-old. Now, 18 months later, Hugo is about to become another long-distance friend. Eli took the news surprisingly well, but it only reinforced his view of expat living as an endless series of heartbreaks. I try to convince him his life is richer for the experience, but he doesn't want to hear it.
. |& I! O! Y! u( S# `" s( x1 }5 ]# @( ~& Z% g8 u" o1 \
'Everyone in America is still there and we still love them and they still love us,' I tell him. 'And now you also have all these great new friends in your life. After we go back to America, we'll have friends in Australia, Hong Kong, China, England...'' k3 l+ `+ k6 l( M

9 t( a* W6 u8 FIt's a kids' version of 'better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all' and he doesn't buy it any more than anyone else nursing a broken heart ever has.+ z) Q7 H9 m3 {* |4 U3 G" Z

& A" V; a$ R8 G1 a. U9 p1 K- GAs I think about such things, Ilene is running around Beijing doing 'exit shipping' and planning a trip to Japan, which she and her husband wanted to visit before leaving Asia. She has enrolled her kids in school both here and in the U.S. for next fall, and while some parts of suburban America will be welcome, such as clean air and family nearby, she worries about readjusting. 'I've enjoyed the new experiences and travel, and going back to carpooling and being a soccer mom will take get some getting used to,' she says.
' v0 q8 ?2 v, [+ X7 [% U3 m" o+ F  ?" z  |- ?8 r7 {
Ilene has no major concerns about her kids. Her son is happy either way, while her daughter is pushing for a move to Finland -- her best friend in China is preparing to return to Helsinki next week, and that seems like a perfect destination to her eight-year-old mind. Her father's employer doesn't have many people there. But maybe Nokia's hiring.