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发表于 2007-3-26 17:02
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●普遍态度：男性低调 旁人不问不知 $ h" c# Y8 E8 T! q& S$ L/ S: _
& A; M' J, H5 _+ c 相比之下，男性大都接受一夫多妻制，但那些实行一夫多妻制的男性也不常谈论这个话题，而是尽可能的保持低调。
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9 C$ D5 f$ r7 `! y" P 马里出生的库里-巴利-博士是在法国接受的教育，现为哈林医学中心的妇科医生。库里巴利表示，他从来没有意识到他的那些西非病人有一夫多妻的情况。库里巴利说：“我没有问，我想也没有想过。我都不知道还有这么多事是我一无所知的。” ! p2 n. J5 J/ V: |- ]/ d
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纽约各大处理移民家庭事务的机构都采取“不问不知”的政策，原因之一可能是因为在纽约这样一个以包容宗教、文化以及性别差异为豪，标榜人权与平等的城市，人们不知该如何谈起一夫多妻制这种现象。
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7 W$ O/ \' A! ] v& h2 p$ ]. s 去年夏天，当一个非赢利机构在布朗克斯调查亚撒哈拉沙漠移民的儿童关怀以及受教育程度时，涉及的问卷中问到了对婚姻咨询的感兴趣程度，但只字未提一夫多妻现象。
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+ ~3 _0 P7 M& v 罗斯-里维拉是负责那项调查的“女性住房及就业发展公司”的主管。里维拉说：“那是个非常私人化的社区，他们根本不怎么信任我们。”
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! b }( C& R" s3 e* v1 Kcsuchen.de ●多妻家庭状态：多数常打架
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众所周知，伊斯兰教经常被引用为允许一夫多妻制的权威，但在非洲，一夫多妻制是一种跨越宗教边界的文化传统，有一些穆斯林就严格限制一夫多妻制。可兰经中写到，如果一个男人不能平等的对待他所有的妻子，那他就只能娶一个妻子。而多数穆斯林认为这是个很苛刻的要求，是实行一夫多妻制很高的一个门槛。 3 ]) C4 K" w! a4 D6 Y# k
* e: b4 A6 a) m: Y: L5 ~ o 然而特劳雷就举了新泽西州两个一夫多妻制家庭的例子，貌似这两个家庭通过了可兰经中平等对待多位妻子的要求。 csuchen.de# p! Z/ C) r# r. P# g" A1 @
) ]* {( N- ^( \0 l# c 特劳雷说：“她们是同时在非洲出嫁的，相处的非常好，简直太不可思议了。当她们出门参加什么活动的时候，总是穿一样的衣服，带一样的珠宝。看起来她们的丈夫对她们真的是很公平。”
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, f1 W2 C4 S, s8 R 然而特劳雷也承认，因为只有一个妻子可以以配偶得身份进入美国，所以另外一个很有可能有被驱逐的危险。
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更多时候，非洲实行一夫多妻制的移民都拥挤在布朗克斯狭窄的小屋里，妻子之间充满醋意，家里充斥着家庭暴力。如果这样的家庭婚姻关系破裂的话，妻子们的法律地位很难得到保证，因为几乎没有法律对这样一夫多妻的家庭的财产分割有任何规定。1 K3 o% k& w: T* Q% z$ E( t# M
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●男性个例：接受一夫多妻是被迫 人在德国 社区; t; U& B8 N( j$ c( g
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被动陷入一夫多妻制婚姻的不仅仅只有女性，有的男性也是被迫接受一夫多妻制的，通常都是受宗派教义或者当地文化所迫。 欧丁女士的丈夫就是这种情况。据欧丁女士说，她的丈夫坚称他并不知道他加纳的妻子会来，他也同样的震惊。
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欧丁的丈夫说，他和他第一任妻子的结合是在他来纽约之前由家人安排的。他来纽约数年之后，在布朗克斯遇到了欧丁并对其展开追求，当时他表示他与加纳的妻子已经断绝了关系。但在他与欧丁结婚一年之后，他的家人给他的第一人妻子办理了来访签证，所以她才来到了布朗克斯。
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欧丁说：“在非洲，人们都这么做，女性也都接受。可是这儿，我们的屋子实在是太小了。”她回忆了近三个月来她和她丈夫的另一位妻子之间的争吵，直到她出钱让另一位妻子搬去另一所公寓她们的争吵也没有停止。八个月来，她的丈夫就在两个妻子之间来回穿梭，并且变得暴力起来。当欧丁已经有五个月身孕时，他干脆都不露面了。
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$ Z- z7 P! U+ ^& l# s1 b) i( g 对于这种带有纽约特色的一夫多妻的故事，女性们只有在洗衣店或美发沙龙的私密谈话中才会提起。由于她们并没有合法的移民身份，也没有权力寻求一夫多妻制的庇护，她们很担心过多谈论会暴露自己的丈夫，从而引来逮捕或驱逐之祸，更严重的是，将会使得自己在美国乃至非洲的家庭都遭到羞辱。 " _4 L) R! ^, q& M( {
9 o8 h: D$ z; b8 M' s3 Wcsuchen.de ●女性选择：要么忍气吞声 要么抗争到底 " [' |( Y( i, Q/ J
6 J, ^* e6 G0 [. C 但在多数女性选择忍气吞声的时候，总有人能挺身反抗到底。阿米纳塔-坎特是来自象牙海岸的移民，她用自己的故事演绎了一段抗争史。
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坎特在象牙海岸通过电话嫁给了一个远在千里之外的纽约出租车司机，然后通过假护照被送到了美国。坎特说，她忍受了丈夫多年的虐待，还为了生了三个孩子。随后发生了一件对她来讲类似晴天霹雳的事---她的丈夫像娶她一样，又通过电话在象牙海岸娶了一个十几岁的小姑娘。坎特因此离开了她的丈夫。她的亲人没有安慰她，反而都劝她回到丈夫身边。她的叔叔甚至警告她说，如果她不回去，她将被视作一个坏女人，并且这种耻辱将延续到她的孩子身上。尽管没有护照，尽管随时面临着被驱逐地危险，她还是毅然决然地选择了离开。
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在讲述这个故事时，坎特已经三十岁了，也拿到了绿卡，和孩子们幸福地生活在温暖宽敞的大屋子里。坎特说：“我认识一个女人，她和她的丈夫以及她丈夫的另一个妻子还有十一个孩子住在一个屋子里。我告诉她说，她必须采取点行动，这根本就不是人过的日子。”坎特的丈夫呢？据坎特说，他前不久又娶了第三个妻子。
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! t t/ M0 p& I) {' F* [人在德国 社区In Secret, Polygamy Follows Africans to N.Y. 人在德国 社区) g. w. y5 s8 q& X" T
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March 23, 2007
6 R7 i5 ]8 Y! L! n T8 M5 Fcsuchen.deShe worked at the Red Lobster in Times Square and lived with her husband near Yankee Stadium. Yet one night, returning home from her job, Odine D. discovered that African custom, not American law, held sway over her marriage.
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A strange woman was sitting in the living room, and Ms. D.’s husband, a security guard born in Ghana, introduced her as his other wife.
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* u9 Z2 ~; i3 i1 H4 o |. d, F; Q人在德国 社区Devastated, Ms. D., a Guinean immigrant who insisted that her last name be withheld, said she protested: “I can’t live with the woman in my house — we have only two bedrooms.” Her husband cited Islamic precepts allowing a man to have up to four wives, and told her to get used to it. And she tried to obey.- Q2 I1 t4 w) b0 f
# K q9 `! s# j) H# {" xPolygamy in America, outlawed in every state but rarely prosecuted, has long been associated with Mormon splinter groups out West, not immigrants in New York. But a fatal fire in a row house in the Bronx on March 7 revealed its presence here, in a world very different from the suburban Utah setting of “Big Love,” the HBO series about polygamists next door.
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The city’s mourning for the dead — a woman and nine children in two families from Mali — has been followed by a hushed double take at the domestic arrangements described by relatives: Moussa Magassa, the Mali-born American citizen who owned the house and was the father of five children who perished, had two wives in the home, on different floors. Both survived.
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No one knows how prevalent polygamy is in New York. Those who practice it have cause to keep it secret: under immigration law, polygamy is grounds for exclusion from the United States.
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' j; }5 I) a2 P' V- h! U9 \# [+ O- ]Under state law, bigamy can be punished by up to four years in prison,
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No agency is known to collect data on polygamous unions, which typically take shape over time and under the radar, often with religious ceremonies overseas and a visitor’s visa for the wife, arranged by other relatives. Some men have one wife in the United States and others abroad.0 B' e. a6 j6 {# s
9 d* z! j7 m0 n9 i/ V人在德国 社区But the Magassas clearly are not an isolated case. Immigration to New York and other American cities has soared from places where polygamy is lawful and widespread, especially from West African countries like Mali, where demographic surveys show that 43 percent of women are in polygamous marriages.
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And the picture that emerges from dozens of interviews with African immigrants, officials and scholars of polygamy is of a clandestine practice that probably involves thousands of New Yorkers.' A; m6 }! s/ \5 N9 J! ^
4 V/ U% G$ O6 s( T# J* n“It’s difficult, but one accepts it because it’s our religion,” said Doussou Traoré, 52, president of an association of Malian women in New York, who married an older man with two other wives who remain in Mali. “Our mothers accepted it. Our grandmothers accepted it. Why not us?” ; K7 l) k4 p6 w
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Other women spoke bitterly of polygamy. They said their participation was dictated by an African culture of female subjugation and linked polygamy to female genital cutting and domestic violence. That view is echoed by most research on plural marriages, including studies of West African immigrants in France, where the government estimates that 120,000 people live in 20,000 polygamous families.
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“The woman is in effect the slave of the man,” said a stylish Guinean businesswoman in her 40s who, like many women interviewed in Harlem and the Bronx, spoke on the condition of anonymity. “If you protest, your husband will hit you, and if you call the police, he’s going to divorce you, and the whole community will scorn you.”* u @& p* w; `2 @8 L3 H
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“Even me,” she added. “My husband went to find another wife in Africa, and he has the right to do that. They tell you nothing, until one afternoon he says, ‘O.K., your co-wife arrives this evening.’ ”
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; t8 k+ R& f$ n. e6 p' j$ ocsuchen.deMen, in contrast, tended to play down the existence of polygamy, if they were willing to discuss it at all.人在德国 社区! Q' t. l4 L# b! I/ m5 `7 h6 b! D
P1 p, B( A* j, vDr. Ousseiny Coulibaly, 36, a gynecologist, was born in Mali and educated in France, where polygamy has long been an explosive immigration and women’s rights issue. Yet he said he was unaware of any cases among his West African patients at Harlem Hospital Center.
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“I’m not asking,” he said. “I’m not even suspecting it. There might be so many things I don’t know.” 人在德国 社区2 ^; Y/ s/ b6 `) R$ I
/ S0 K4 i1 s- l* c$ X( Q/ ~5 ecsuchen.deDon’t-ask-don’t-know policies prevail in many agencies that deal with immigrant families in New York, perhaps because there is no framework for addressing polygamy in a city that prides itself on tolerance of religious, cultural and sexual differences — and on support for human rights and equality.
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Last summer, when a nonprofit agency in the Bronx surveyed the needs of the sub-Saharan immigrants in its child care and literacy programs, questionnaires asked about interest in marriage counseling, but not about polygamy.
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“This is a very private community,” said Rose Rivera, director of Head Start at the agency, the Women’s Housing and Employment Development Corporation, which largely relies on the fathers to translate for the mothers. “They’re not really ready to trust us.”, w8 Q* r" |5 n4 O# c9 E5 l8 w& J
( e- a5 f: ^: h* N人在德国 社区Yet on Monday, two Gambian women with children in the program acknowledged, when asked by a reporter, that polygamy was a given in their lives. Both described themselves as “first wives,” married at 16, who joined their husbands in New York in the 1990s, never having attended school.
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One, now 36, with three children, said her husband was betrothed to a second wife in Gambia whom he would soon bring to the Bronx. Protest was pointless. “They won’t listen,” she said. “Whether you like it or not, they will marry.”9 x3 g/ ^8 i& ^9 H) \. `
) | }+ ~% P+ B! DIslam is often cited as the authority that allows polygamy. But in Africa, the practice is a cultural tradition that crosses religious lines, while some Muslim lands elsewhere sharply restrict it. The Koran says a man should not take more than one wife if he cannot treat them all equally — a very high bar, many Muslims say.人在德国 社区3 z& z* ?) \5 N: d; g
+ |& \( l4 V- |/ D7 ]Ms. Traoré, of the Malian women’s group, cited two prosperous households in Bergen County, in New Jersey, that seemed to pass the test.
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“They get along very well,” she said of the wives in one home, who married their husband in Africa at the same time. “It’s extraordinary. When they come to our celebrations they dress the same, the same outfit, the same jewels. The husband is completely fair.”
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Still, since only one wife could have entered the country as a spouse, the other is probably more vulnerable to deportation, she acknowledged.1 l$ S: D1 I, Z6 z( E
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More typical, many immigrants said, are cramped apartments in the Bronx with many children underfoot, clashes between jealous co-wives and domestic violence. And if the household breaks up, the wives’ legal status is murky at best, with little case law to guide decisions on marital property or benefits.
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Men, too, can end up in polygamous marriages reluctantly, driven by the dictates of clan and culture. That seems to be the case for the husband of Ms. D., the Guinean restaurant worker. Efforts to reach him for this article failed, but as Ms. D. tells it, he insisted he was just as surprised as she was when his first wife, left behind in Ghana, showed up six years ago.
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Their match, like many African marriages, had been made by their families before he left for New York. Years later, he met and courted Ms. D. in the Bronx, saying his relationship with his Ghanaian wife was over. 2 H4 }" m7 A9 K( i6 ]& ?7 @% L
/ {- T( F' C r5 u+ X- [But a year after he married Ms. D. in Guinea and they returned to the Bronx, relatives arranged for a visa for his first wife to join them.
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: J# D& M/ T* @4 S6 r, v人在德国 社区“In Africa, women accept things like that,” Ms. D. said. “Here, the apartments are too small.”
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3 Q' b- O+ X/ K3 u1 J; n. f5 J, F人在德国 社区She recalled terrible fights during the three months they all lived together. The conflicts continued after she paid for the first wife to move to another apartment. For eight months, the husband shuttled between the two, but he became abusive, she said. And when Ms. D was five months pregnant, he stopped showing up.
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Like many West African women, Ms. D. had been subjected to genital cutting as a child, making sex painful. The other wife had not been cut. , d" h$ e3 R' ]* q: h. u0 O$ S$ x
+ H" w0 y) b% w3 ycsuchen.de“It’s not life, your man sharing a bed with another woman,” Ms. D. said. “You’re always thinking in your head, ‘does he love me?’ ”csuchen.de( R8 V9 p/ ]3 ~. u4 F, R8 q
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Such stories of polygamy, New York style, are typically shared by women only in whispered conversations in laundries and at hair-braiding salons. With no legal immigration status and no right to asylum from polygamy, many are afraid to expose their husbands to arrest or deportation, which could dishonor and impoverish their families here and in Africa.人在德国 社区& c& g: t* C) O) g" I
" p' p* I2 |. s5 X, Q; @$ [But Aminata Kante, an immigrant from Ivory Coast who found help for herself and Ms. D. at Sanctuary for Families, an agency for battered women, uses her own story to urge rebellion.
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! S3 J5 ]) y# X8 o% T6 Z+ Y( h人在德国 社区Wed at 15 in Ivory Coast, over the telephone, to a New York City taxi driver thousands of miles away, Ms. Kante was delivered to her groom on a false passport. She said she endured his abuse for years, bore three children, turned over her paycheck from work as a health aide, and tried harder to appease him when he sent two of the children to Africa.
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- J6 v6 n$ P$ [ }- tBut something snapped, she said, when he announced that he had taken a teenage second wife, also married, just as she had been, over the phone — a valid wedding in Ivory Coast. Ms. Kante left him. Relatives pressed her to return. Uncles warned that she would be branded a bad woman, and that the stigma would follow her children in Africa. Without papers, vulnerable to deportation, she ended up in a homeless shelter.
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But now, at 30, she tells the story in the warm glow of her own living room, her children restored to her, and a green card secured, through unusual legal efforts by lawyers at Sanctuary.
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“I know a lady who lives with her husband and another woman in one room, a two-bedroom, with 11 kids,” she said. “I tell her, she has to move — it’s not a life.” And her own husband? His second wife is 23 now, with three children. And recently, Ms. Kante said, he married a third. |
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