& A* m6 l, z0 h- u0 b4 V! m* z以我家发言人自居的雅各布回答说：“抱歉，不能。”他说，“我们实际上住在新泽西，我们在中国只待3年。”: b% }. x+ w% l
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“哦，”雨果说道，“那我们能作3年朋友吗？”. i* p# D1 ?' {/ L
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“当然。” ( ~6 N- q/ l% w1 W4 l- W0 \; \1 i ) R5 ], ?9 R2 b' ?4 x+ [" d雨果笑了；对一个5岁的孩子来说3年差不多就是一辈子了。18个月后的今天，雨果又要成为我们另一个远在他乡的朋友。以利听到雨果将要离开北京的消息很吃惊，这使他更加认为旅居海外的生活就是一个无休无止的心碎历程。我努力让他相信这种经历能丰富他的人生，但以利根本听不进去。, Q# k, f% l& g
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“我们在美国的家人和朋友还在那儿，我们仍然爱着他们，他们也仍然爱着我们，”我对他说，“现在你在自己的人生里也有了这些了不起的新朋友，当我们回美国后，你会在澳大利亚、香港、中国和英格兰都有朋友。” & G9 d9 A) t' M1 n* u, c 4 c/ [$ j6 `; Y1 f9 }我这是用孩子的话来解释“曾经拥有强过从未拥有”，但以利像所有有过心碎之感的人一样听不进去。: v) Y ~: d1 j. R
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就在我思绪连篇之时，伊岚正在北京各处做着“离境大采购”，她和丈夫还计划着离开亚洲前到日本一游。伊岚给她的孩子们在北京和美国两地的学校为下学期注了册，虽然美国的郊区生活拥有清洁的空气和近在咫尺的家人等优点，但伊岚却对要重新适应美国的生活感到头疼。她说：“我很喜欢这种四处旅行的新生活，要重新适应在美国的专职妈妈生活，还真要花些力气呢。” - X9 E' ?. z. e8 i4 p; W6 `: Y" o- C8 p: a" Z& M
伊岚倒不怎么担心她的孩子。他的儿子对在北京生活还是回美国都无所谓，而她的女儿则力促家人去芬兰，因为她在北京的最好朋友下周就要回芬兰了，在8岁的她看来芬兰似乎是个很不错的地方。可惜她爸爸的顾主在芬兰没有多少业务。不过可以去看看诺基亚(Nokia)是否在招人。 ( X% W! Q; N, \+ z8 e2 q6 i' \9 i( v, X; U) L
本文作者Alan Paul是《吉他世界》(Guitar World)的高级编辑，同时也为美国篮球杂志《灌篮》(Slam)撰写文章。因妻子工作需要，他举家从美国新泽西迁住中国，现居北京。作者: 日月光 时间: 2007-6-22 18:32 标题: it's been great and I feel blessed to have had this chapter in our lives
This is a time of great excitement and movement for many expat families, as the school year ends and people begin departing for extended home leaves. However, a cloud of uncertainty hangs over one group of folks -- those who still don't know where they will be stationed next year. They say goodbye to departing friends without a clear idea of when or if they will see them again. Most of the people I know in this situation approach it with an admirable shrug and sense of adventure. 9 L- g1 c) H: u/ l+ f% l" B9 p$ W# [
My friend Ilene and her family arrived in Beijing at the same time as us, in August 2005. Like us, they had no previous expat experience and little in the way of expectations. And, like us, they took to life here quickly, learning to be amused by the daily frustrations that leave some folks enraged. Ilene's husband is working on one-year contracts, which aren't uncommon here because of the expense of employing a full-package expat; no company wants someone here who isn't deemed totally necessary. ) \) X3 m+ q( m' p4 F. f ) K( P0 S# ]" [) s/ r) ^A year ago they weren't ready to head home and were enthusiastic in June, when his contract was extended for a second year. But there's no word about a third year so far.2 M- t1 v) h& C+ l2 Z
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'We'd love to stay and we're trying to work it out,' Ilene says. 'You have to take a step back and say, 'This is a fantastic experience and if it ends right now, it's been great and I feel blessed to have had this chapter in our lives.' ' u: T" ^0 }* F. W2 Y 3 [/ o! n1 I1 {I feel much the same way, and a big part of that experience is the people I've met here. I had no idea that this would prove to be such a social time in our lives. Because the expat community is pretty tight-knit, the continual goodbyes are hard. We have recently hosted or attended farewell parties for people bound for Singapore, Sydney and Cleveland.( N/ K7 c+ W! K( ?) G1 o
! C" S7 S& J8 |* I' V& D# @/ a$ tA decade ago, we moved to Ann Arbor, Michigan, where an old friend of Rebecca's lived with his wife, pursuing a Ph.D. The first time we met, he asked how long we planned on sticking around. I wasn't sure and he wasn't reassuring. # ?2 h, f+ g2 x }/ G $ ^8 L" h0 C! s0 }! G T% f& R( }'We don't hang out with people coming here to get Masters degrees any more,' he said. 'They're gone too soon. You need to be going for a Ph.D.' + g$ }) l6 M& R: {; S1 x2 W3 P, x0 s, U! p O9 Q6 K- K
He was just joking -- we left Ann Arbor after two years, but remain dear friends with him and his wife -- but now I understand what he was getting at. It's difficult to continually make new friends, get close, then say farewell, and now I can sometimes sense this wariness when I meet longtime expats. We're relative rookies, and I hope the folks who'll arrive over the summer will find me open and inviting. It can be hard to get the kids to take a long view, however. 8 Z9 n* `' R/ O 1 n* p5 I+ x) rLast year, I wrote about our eldest child Jacob losing two of his best buddies. The three boys remain close. We visited Javier Wong in San Francisco over Christmas break and he and Jacob reconnected like they'd seen each other the day before. In August, we'll visit Andrew Moy in Washington, D.C.." y+ Z$ k! i3 M' W6 s; [
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This year it's Jacob's little brother Eli facing a big loss, as his dear friend Hugo's family pack their bags for Singapore. Eli has suffered more than any of us from leaving friends and family behind in the U.S. and I feared the worst when I learned about Hugo's impending move.6 C% a; \0 [% P( d) J; {
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I thought back to when we first met Hugo's family, on vacation in Thailand, a place I really never thought I'd see. Playing on the beach, Hugo asked my boys if they could be friends forever.* R/ q/ `+ N! m- a! G& i7 a" K/ ^) [
1 i: m, l! i2 L# N) }'Sorry, no.' Jacob replied, acting as the spokesman. 'We actually live in New Jersey and we're just in China for three years.'6 _8 Y. J. p5 k9 j4 I
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'Oh,' Hugo replied. 'Can we be friends for three years then?' % j% c: R9 h" m+ y p; `; v . M) Q/ S, Y( e: Q% a6 J6 m B'Sure.'9 M* u8 s8 i/ Z2 M) } Z0 t: C
: N7 k( P) |3 l, C mHugo smiled; three years is forever to a five-year-old. Now, 18 months later, Hugo is about to become another long-distance friend. Eli took the news surprisingly well, but it only reinforced his view of expat living as an endless series of heartbreaks. I try to convince him his life is richer for the experience, but he doesn't want to hear it.# M! d1 A3 [) g$ V7 I8 G. Q$ a1 p
* p; T6 n$ L1 `& o5 j; `( q4 S! L'Everyone in America is still there and we still love them and they still love us,' I tell him. 'And now you also have all these great new friends in your life. After we go back to America, we'll have friends in Australia, Hong Kong, China, England...' 5 s& v" p; I- U2 S ) J D4 {$ y* k: `It's a kids' version of 'better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all' and he doesn't buy it any more than anyone else nursing a broken heart ever has.' o H, h+ K1 F9 r |
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As I think about such things, Ilene is running around Beijing doing 'exit shipping' and planning a trip to Japan, which she and her husband wanted to visit before leaving Asia. She has enrolled her kids in school both here and in the U.S. for next fall, and while some parts of suburban America will be welcome, such as clean air and family nearby, she worries about readjusting. 'I've enjoyed the new experiences and travel, and going back to carpooling and being a soccer mom will take get some getting used to,' she says. 9 o4 O$ t; v& o& B# J4 v; k' D E0 @- Y
Ilene has no major concerns about her kids. Her son is happy either way, while her daughter is pushing for a move to Finland -- her best friend in China is preparing to return to Helsinki next week, and that seems like a perfect destination to her eight-year-old mind. Her father's employer doesn't have many people there. But maybe Nokia's hiring.
